Recently, i have been watching countless various health sources and neighborhood frontrunners talk about how lesbians don’t need condoms at all within gender techniques. And this idea genuinely perplexes me personally! Anytime I read it somewhere, I stop and believe

huh? In which did these people manage to get thier safer sex info from?

This is certainly part of a much bigger societal problem because lesbian, queer and dating sites for bi women are typically put aside in the discussion about sexual health and STIs. It is as if men and women think

STIs

merely result from penises and therefore lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies cannot ever before

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs are handed down in several steps
. Through skin to skin contact. From anal sex. From oral gender. From sharing sex toys. Mostly whichever sex you are having, it’s likely that STIs can possibly end up being offered, from person-to-person. It’s also important to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies occasionally have penises. Or sometimes we utilize dildos during sex. And for both a dildo and a penis, condoms may be used as a barrier solution to decrease the probability of STIs becoming passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is vital to keep in mind that it’s not the end of the world any time you test positive for an STI. Lifetime along with your sex life aren’t over. If we have the ability to get access to this sort of better sex details, subsequently we could all grow and find out together—and do have more pleasurable sex!

We have currently talked-about
various barrier methods
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use when having sexual intercourse with each other. And certainly, condoms come in those options. You need condoms as a barrier when having a penis in pussy or when having
rectal intercourse
, if you are making use of a sextoy or dildo, and you may also reduce a condom down the middle (with scissors) if you want a dental dam for analingus or dental intercourse. Whenever we inform women who sleep along with other women they cannot

need

condoms to practice less dangerous sex, our company is perpetuating this myth our gender is intrinsically safe from any STIs being discussed.

A lot of of my lesbian, queer and bisexual pals occasionally have a good laugh about how precisely they don’t exercise safer gender. I hear queer women make laughs about dental dams and just how they never have when made use of all of them. All this helps make me personally question exactly who in our society carry out in fact practice much safer intercourse? Incase we’ren’t utilizing shield methods, tend to be we then having in-depth conversations about our very own intimate wellness before we f*ck? Are we continuously prioritizing obtaining analyzed between our partners? And not simply a pap smear (
for the reason that it does not protect every thing
), but like getting a complete work-up?

I do not state any of this to get judgmental, whatsoever. I been that girl to chuckle about dental dams. I’ve also had one-night stands in which i did not prioritize me or my personal partner’s intimate health. But Needs us to do much better. Needs you to have genuine, nuanced talks about all of our sexual wellness. Given that it does matter, ladies. And that I need previous chuckling about dental care dams and shrugging down condoms as an option.

Typically within this talk, I have expected

well, imagine if i wish to make use of a dental care dam but she doesn’t think that’s gorgeous?

This anxiety can be so extensive that personally i think like so many lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are even nervous to inquire about their associates to rehearse safer sex. But without a doubt a queer girl secret, receiving oral sex through a dental dam is hot and feels remarkable. In reality, the individual it truly alters things for could be the person providing the dental. Its a little bit different of a personal experience, but one which you can aquire utilized to! It is gorgeous for individual getting because 1. you are both prioritizing each other’s intimate health, and that’s hot AF and 2. inside my sincere opinion, it still feels enjoyable as f*ck.

In addition learn how difficult it can be to bring within the conversation of STIs just before have intercourse, particularly if you’ve never had gender with this specific individual prior to. A very important factor I’ve learned within my years of messily navigating sex and connections usually when I talk to somebody concerning the particular sex both of us want and with what variety of barriers we need to use—We have wayyyy better intercourse. Like I’m not claiming this because i am a sex technical. I am letting you know my personal sincere queer lady fact. Sex is way better whenever you talk about need as well as your systems first.

Let us break it all the way down.

Both you and this potential hookup don’t know both’s figures however. Every individual has actually their desires and clicks and moves, that switch all of them the f*ck on. Even though you could perform a guessing online game while you’re sex to figure out what ~feels good~ because of this brand-new individual, you could alternatively, talk about it beforehand. Actually it enjoyable to be able to f*ck somebody how they wish to be f*cked? Then you definitely know the go-to spot on their behalf, for which you should establish to and how to cause them to be putty in your hand.

In relation to writing on what barriers and/or toys you want to make use of as long as you’re having sex—a lot of folks think it’s very perhaps not gorgeous and takes every fun from the jawhorse. But think about in case you are sex nevertheless whole time you’re stressed since you really wanted to make use of a dental dam but did not know how to tell the girl that and now you are unable to have a climax because you’re very in your thoughts about not talking up for your needs? That is no fun proper, trust me. When you get that talk off the beaten track before starting having sexual intercourse, you then know already to choose the condom when you use your own strap-on or whether she is cool with liquid connection or not. These are generally important aspects of intercourse and in addition we should never dismiss them.

I’ve homework for every of you scanning this nowadays. The very next time you’re having a unique hookup with some one, you will need to integrate several of these talks just before strike the bedsheets and see what the results are. I bet you that you’re going to have some mind-blowing consensual safer sex!

Had gotten any intercourse questions? Please extend: Corinne@gomag.com!